My Top Ten Gaming Quotes

Whether they’re motivational, insightful, or just plain funny, I love throwing quotes at my mates and seeing if they respond. If they know what I’m talking about (which they usually do), my respect for them ups by ten points. My choices of said phrases can be from a number of sources; advertisements, movies or novels. I thought I’d use my column this week to throw out some of my favourite and most memorable quotes from games. We’ll do it in a traditional Top Ten format, I think.

***SPOILERS EVERYWHERE BY THE WAY***

 

10: What’re ya buyin’?

Resident Evil 4: A change in direction for the survival horror series, blending the genre with the fast-paced action of a third-person shooter. Surprisingly enough, it worked, albeit sacrificing some of the old-fashioned scares for great gameplay.

One of my favourite aspects of the game, however, was the introduction of a new and unforgettable character… the merchant.

While he scared the crap out of me at first, as time went on, I began to feel safe when I heard the gruff slurring of his voice, “Hello, straaanger!” He provided comfort, supplies and some very quotable one-liners.

“What’re you buyin’?”                                    “What’re ya sellin’?”                      “Stranger, stranger, stranger……………now THAT’S a weapon!”

I pride myself on my Merchant impression, I reckon it’s got pretty awesome over the years.

 

9: Death is imminent 

Hands up if you’ve played Grim Fandango?

If you haven’t, then you should. It’s brilliant. Such a witty, sarcastic film noir set in the Land of the Dead. This dark comedy has many moments of golden dialogue, but one of my favourites is this take on the inevitability of death.

“You can’t hide from the Grim Reaper. Especially when he’s got a gun.”

 

8: Coffins need rocket launchers.

 

 

“Remember to tell your grandkids to put a rocket launcher in your coffin. If you go to Hell when you die, you’ll need it for some final cleaning-up.”

How badass is that? Like, seriously? Doom is fucking awesome. I’m so getting a rocket launcher in my coffin with me. Kinda feel sorry for the people carrying it… but it’s so worth it.

 

7: Shove it up your ass.

Please tell me you’ve seen the Duke Nukem Balls of Steel video? Y’know, the Ventrilo Harassment one? YOU MUST HAVE!

God, it’s funny isn’t it? BALLS OF STEEL.

Anyway, Duke Nukem comprises of some of the greatest video game quotes of all time. They are so quotable, it’s untrue. This thing beats Mean Girls for quotability, hands down. My personal favourite is:

“It’s time to kick ass and chew bubblegum… and I’m all outta gum.”

I try to use that in everyday life as often as possible.

 

6: I need scissors! 61!

Aw come on guys, you didn’t think I’d make it through a column without mentioning Metal Gear, did you?

“I hear it’s amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara-Kiri Rock. I need scissors! 61! “

It just had to be done. The Colonel going crazy in Metal Gear Solid 2 was a goldmine for quotes, some silly, some frighteningly insightful. Naturally, I go with the silly one!

 (Hehe… Raiden’s naked!)

 

5: Destroy the WMDs!

Persona 3 is filled with great dialogue (mostly from Junpei, of course), but my personal favourite was spoken by a teacher upon the enrollment of Aigis in their school.

“Ah, let’s see.. it says you’re.. a weapon of mass destruction? Oh. It’s obviously a mistake.”

Yup, she’s not dangerous at all. Just your average student. Obviously pay no attention to the obvious lack of family history, childhood memories or even a normal human tone of voice. Silly teacher!

 

4: I used to write columns… then I took an arrow to the knee.

Lol. Skyrim offered up many quirky non-playable characters to converse with in its vast world, some of whom tell us vital pieces of information which affect our quests or main storyline, others who are there for purely comedic value.

This has sparked quite a stir in the land of the internetz, the phrase becoming a meme in its own right. Yes, it’s massively overused, but it’s still kinda funny (in moderation).

 

3: It was all a dream… sort of.

Final Fantasy X was my first title of the series, so naturally it has remained the one I’m most fond of. I don’t care if Tidus’ voice acting is terrible, and I don’t want to hear anything about the laughing scene. I fucking love this game.

The ending broke my heart. I sobbed at the end, as Yuna whispered “I love you” to a rapidly fading Tidus. Oh yeah, I should probably explain that… it turns out that Tidus and his father are nothing but dreams conjured up by the Fayth, and once Tidus defeats Sin and frees the soul of his father, they will both fade away into nothing.

One of my most memorable quotes is from one of the Fayths, stating to Tidus:

“You are a fading dream, but one that has been touched by reality. Run, dream. Run on into the daylight. And walk into reality.”

Perhaps one even more heartbreaking is that statement, “We’ve been dreaming so long… we’re tired. Will you and your father… will you let us rest?”

No! You can’t rest! Because the main character will no longer exist!

 

2: Rise and Shine, Mr. Freeman. 

The introduction to Half Life 2 is pretty damn creepy, that’s for sure. I can bet that if I set this as my alarm I’d be awake in seconds.

I love this whole monologue, to be honest. The implication that Gordon has been “sleeping on the job” is effective in a number of ways; for one, implying that the player’s break in play between the first two games is nothing but laziness (putting the player down within three seconds of loading, excellent), and secondly it further establishes the G-Man as an employer as opposed to just an overseer.

The way in which G-Man addresses Freeman is also key, as he insists on referring to him as “Mister” rather than his proper title of “Doctor”. By the end of Half Life 2 he gives Gordon his correct title, suggesting that he has earned his respect throughout the course of the game.

“So… wake up, Mr. Freeman. Wake up, and smell the ashes.”

 

1: Would You Kindly?

Bioshock: One of my favourite gaming experiences, period. Ignoring the excellent gameplay, the originality of the setting and the breathtaking visuals, this game boasts one of the most meaningful and intelligent plot twists any form of medium has ever seen. That might seem a bit over the top, but hear me out.

I really hope you guys have played Bioshock, and if you haven’t I urge you not to read on. It’s far better if you experience this sequence of events firsthand before reading my ramblings about it. The term “Would you kindly” surmises the consequences of authority, questioning the player’s blind obedience to questionable demands, and most importantly tests the ideas of control and agency. What level of agency do we as players possess? Little to none, this quote suggests.

While Bioshock claims to involve aspects of choice, in the end, we all blindly followed Atlas’s orders. I trusted that loveable Irish guy, I believed in him until the bitter end, and the revelation that he had in fact been controlling me from the outset was a complete shock. It lead me to question, why did I go through the game with the single-minded notion that I was to destroy Big Daddies? Why was I so trusting to plunge a dodgy-looking syringe into my veins? And why was I perfectly okay with bludgeoning Andrew Ryan with a golf club?

This all happened because the game told me so. That’s basically what it boils down to. Atlas manipulates the gamer with those three simple words, myself being as encapsulated in his lies as Jack was. Even as this control was confessed to me, I was physically powerless to change the consequences. The cut-scene in which it is revealed that Jack was nothing but a tool powered on with a nicely worded sentence is absolutely brilliant in its execution. The player watches as Andrew Ryan explains to us about our role in this little play, we stare into his eyes as he asks us so sweetly to prove that he is correct. Naturally, being a non-interactive cut-scene, we have no choice but to watch as Jack smashes his head in, mindlessly and without any sense of regret.

I was horrified watching this. The fact that the player physically had no control over this outcome was so poignant; we are forced to see that we were in fact manipulated for the entire game, forced to accept that in this setting we are nothing but a mechanical creation, used and controlled entirely by Atlas.

“A man chooses; a slave obeys.”

Huh, that’s another great quote. Bioshock just rattles them out when you think about it.

 

So, that’s it! My Top Ten, I might add, aren’t in any particular order… apart from Number 1, of course. Feel free to comment with your favourite gaming quote!