You Cheating Bastards!

Men. All the same. Lying, cheating, good-for-nothing, useless… oh wait, wrong column.

Enough about my personal life. Cheating isn’t something only found in relationships, and I felt like listing a few of my favourite and most memorable cheats over the years.


Number 10: GoldenEye Tiny/Big characters

GoldenEye offered a huge amount of cheat codes to alter the gameplay in various ways, from making Bond invisible to allowing him to walk through objects and doors. My favourite is the ability to shrink down your enemies to make them like the army men from Toy Story, and to make them giants. It’s just so fun!

Other cheats involve the classic DK Mode (big heads), Turbo Mode and the option of giving all enemies rocket launchers. Not sure why you’d go for that one, but whatever…


Number 9: The Myth of Naked Lara Croft

Lara’s conical breasts provided young men all over the world with the motivation to complete the game, and also with the drive to see her strip off those teeny tiny shorts of hers. A rumour circulated that there was a cheat to get her naked, and a patch was released to finally see her in all her glory.

Since, Core have released a cheat code for each Tomb Raider title which they claimed would allow the player to see her nude. They all turned out to be complex moves which resulted in a violent death for poor little Lara. In case you’re wondering what the Nude Patch was like, watch it below. Sick bastards.


Number 8: Mortal Kombat Blood Mode

Because we weren’t satisfied with decapitation. It had to be bloody decapitation.

It’s a poor show when there’s outrage over lack of blood in a fighting game, don’t you think? Kinda lets the side down. We claim that games don’t invoke violence within us, and that they are not responsible for violent acts in the real world, but kicking up such a fuss over something so trivial seems to argue the opposite.

The port of Mortal Kombat from arcade to console took out the blood. Don’t ask me why… if you’re willing to include a move that rips out a guy’s spine then you shouldn’t be afraid of a little blood. Anyway, there was uproar, but thankfully Midway saw this coming and created a code which would override the censorship. This way, you got the choice of blood or no blood! Guess what I picked?


Number 7: iddqd

This cheat is great for anyone who wants to completely eliminate any sort of challenge. Doom was the first title to introduce an invincibility code, which allowed for totally stress-free gaming. Anyway, a number of games followed suit, with similar cheats being referred to as God Mode. Plus it makes the main guy’s eyes glow… pretty cool.

Looks like he’s wearing gold lipstick too… really brings out his eyes.


Number 6: Sonic Debug Mode

Personally I’m not sure how this bad boy didn’t get the title of God Mode. Sonic the Hedgehog 2 offered up an awesome cheat code, but it took some work to access it. First off you have to go to the Sound Test section, and select these tracks: 19, 65, 9 then 17 (17th September 1965: the date of birth of the lead developer, Yuji Naka). This will unlock a Level Select option, pretty cool in itself. Go to that, then select 1, 9, 9, 2, 1, 1, 2, 4 (the date Sonic 2 was released). Hey presto, you’ve opened Debug Mode! Now go Super Saiyan and clone all the objects you want!


So. Much. Fun. It truly gives you the power to do whatever you want; create more enemies so there’s more of a challenge, give yourself loads of extra lives, constantly being super fast or invincible… the possibilities are endless.


Number 5: Hang The DJ

The first Grand Theft Auto title used a simple password feature to enter in cheats, and the majority of them were naughty words (or sex acts, BLOWME being a personal favourite of mine). GTA London used titles of pornographic magazines, keeping the tone of the previous game firmly in tact.

Anyone who played the original, however, must know of this bad boy. HANGTHEDJ was THE cheat to use, as it unlocked all weapons and armour. Plus, I assume the name of the cheat was taken from the song “Panic” by The Smiths; there’s little else cooler than using the words of Morrissey to cause havoc in a video game.

While we’re on the subject of GTA, I’m sure that the weapons cheat code for GTA 3 is one that is ingrained into most gamers’ minds… let’s have a test shall we? Try and remember it, then click the button below to see if you’re stuck with that damn code as much as I am.

Show »

R2 R2 L1 R2 Left Down Right Up Left Down Right Up.

Tell me you could recite that without looking? Just me? Ah well…


Number 4: New Zelda Mode

Upon completion of The Legend of Zelda, it was possible to replay the game with all new dungeons and level designs. If you’re not patient (or good) enough to complete the game legitimately, you can skip to the new version of the game by entering ZELDA as your character name. It’s a hell of a lot harder than the original quest though, so good luck with that.


Number 3: GTA 3 Tank Cheat

Admit it. There is little more fun than watching a tank fall from the sky, then causing all kinds of mayhem through the streets of Liberty City. It’s awesome to have contests with your mates to see how long you can last in the tank without being caught by the police, due to that pesky door on the side of the tank that doesn’t seem to have a lock. Massive design flaw there.

The Code was CIRCLE, CIRCLE, CIRCLE, CIRCLE, CIRCLE, CIRCLE, R1, L2, L1, TRIANGLE, CIRCLE, TRIANGLE. It was pot luck where the tank initially landed, but as long as you could climb into it, that missile launcher was yours for the taking. Helloooo Five-Star Wanted Level!


Number 2: Pokémon Cloning and Infinite Rare Candy

I’m not sure if these technically counts as cheats… perhaps just more like glitches. We’ll start with cloning shall we? In Generation I and II, it was possible to clone  Pokémon using one of two methods: The link cable method, or the storage system method. Personally, I always went for the storage system method because I found it to be easier to execute and felt more confident that my save file wouldn’t be corrupted… not because I didn’t have any friends or anything…

ANYWAY. The storage system method went like this:  You go to a PC, take the Pokémon you want to duplicate and deposit it into a box. The key is all in the timing, as while the game is saving, there is a point when the Pokémon is present in both the party and the box, and it’s at this precise moment that you need to switch off the console. I’ll post a video to show you exactly where to switch off, as I don’t think I’d be able to describe it correctly.

The next cheat for Pokémon is the Rare Candy trick! I absolutely loved this as a kid, I always spammed it way too much. First of all, you have to talk to the old man you encounter in Viridian City who teaches you how to catch Pokémon. Once he’s shut up, you fly to Cinnabar Island, then ensure that the item you want to clone is the sixth item in your bag. You then surf up and down the side of the island right until you encounter Missingno.

Once you’ve beaten it, you’re left with 99 of the item you chose to clone! While this cheat could be used for any item in your inventory, the most common choice was naturally the Rare Candy, as it offered a fast track to a Level 100 Pokémon team. What my young, naive self wasn’t aware of back then is that a Pokémon levelled up using Rare Candies ends up being incredibly weak as opposed to one which is trained correctly. Ah well, I know now eh!


Number 1: The Konami (Contra) Code

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A (Start)

This code was Konami’s way of giving gamers a break, lowering the difficulty of the game in question somehow. A blessing with such earlier titles which were renowned for their difficulty… not to mention the lack of saving system.

It’s début was in 1986 with the release of Gradius on the NES, and the code was designed specifically for use with the NES controller. In Gradius the code was used to upgrade all the power-ups on your ship. However the code was altered for use with the hellishly difficult Contra, offering thirty lives as opposed to three, hence it often being known as The Contra Code. It has been recycled in a number of games by Konami since, perhaps as a cheeky salute to the gamers who remember its original use. Even a few other developers implemented it into their titles, including Half Life 2, Resident Evil 2 and even Plants v Zombies. Hell, it’s worth a shot with any game you’re playing. Punch it in and see what happens!

The Konami Code is a legend amongst gamers. If not for its memorability, and the original necessity of its use, then for the sheer number of different games in which it is valid. That’s why it’s my most memorable video game cheat code, and I’m sure most gamers would agree with me. You can get a t-shirt with it on it, damn it!

So, what do you guys think? Did anyone get a tattoo of the Konami Code and live to regret it? Reckon that Lara Croft nude video was legit? Share your thoughts, leave me comments. It makes me happy!